Leaving on a jet plane

Well, I think I'm packed - think being the operative word. I tried to get everything into one big suitcase and one little one, which means I had to stuff my poor little pound puppy in the big one because I don't have anything else to take on as a carry on, and I am not happy about that. Whenever I pack, I get really anxious and paranoid that I'll forget something really important, or that I'll leave something behind that I'll end up needing. I don't think it'll be a problem this time, but I'm still freaking out anyways. Maybe it's because I'm going to end up leaving my apartment in such a state of disarray that my landlord will think I'm a total slob who can't take care of herself if he comes in during the break to fix stuff. And that I just cannot have, so I'll probably end up staying up until the wee hours of the morning making sure things look like they're reasonably organized. Although it'll still look ridiculous, but what can you expect? I grabbed things randomly here and there as I thought I would need them, and what's left makes it look like I grabbed whatever I could and fled for some unknown reason relating to one or several crimes.

At least I'll be home tomorrow, and that's all that really matters. Nevermind that I have 17 hours of travel to go through before I get there. I'm really looking forward to being home with family and friends, and, frankly, a population that doesn't speak French. I know I'm going to miss it, and I will probably end up seeking out French meet up groups while I'm home, but I gotta say, I really like being in an environment where people don't automatically think I'm a stupid tourist. Although yesterday a mom and daughter stopped me and a friend in the Marais and asked if we were from around there so we could give them directions, so that was nice.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I've been trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life ever since I got here, and I still can't decide what to do. I won't lie - I love living here. And if I could find a nice cushy job, I would consider staying. But finding a job is hard enough for a French person, let alone an American. And I'm not so sure I could deal with this French bureaucracy shit again... I've noticed that, in general, I'm happy here, but there are so many daily annoyances - rude people on the metro who never smile, strikes, expensive everything, five flights of stairs, etc. - that I keep telling myself, I can't live here. Well, I mean, longer than I'm going to for now. But then something will happen - a nice bus ride, a pleasant interaction with someone on the street, cute Christmas markets - and I think I never want to leave. But I don't have a solid group of friends here, not to mention the lack of family... So I think what I'm going to do is just scrap everything and spend the rest of the time here as if I'm not coming back. I'm going to stop thinking about it so much and just live. Sound like a plan?

I should start cleaning and grab some dinner. See you on the other side.... of the Atlantic. HA! Ha.... ha. A plus tard, crocodiles.