Well, I think I'm packed - think being the operative word. I tried to get everything into one big suitcase and one little one, which means I had to stuff my poor little pound puppy in the big one because I don't have anything else to take on as a carry on, and I am not happy about that. Whenever I pack, I get really anxious and paranoid that I'll forget something really important, or that I'll leave something behind that I'll end up needing. I don't think it'll be a problem this time, but I'm still freaking out anyways. Maybe it's because I'm going to end up leaving my apartment in such a state of disarray that my landlord will think I'm a total slob who can't take care of herself if he comes in during the break to fix stuff. And that I just cannot have, so I'll probably end up staying up until the wee hours of the morning making sure things look like they're reasonably organized. Although it'll still look ridiculous, but what can you expect? I grabbed things randomly here and there as I thought I would need them, and what's left makes it look like I grabbed whatever I could and fled for some unknown reason relating to one or several crimes.
At least I'll be home tomorrow, and that's all that really matters. Nevermind that I have 17 hours of travel to go through before I get there. I'm really looking forward to being home with family and friends, and, frankly, a population that doesn't speak French. I know I'm going to miss it, and I will probably end up seeking out French meet up groups while I'm home, but I gotta say, I really like being in an environment where people don't automatically think I'm a stupid tourist. Although yesterday a mom and daughter stopped me and a friend in the Marais and asked if we were from around there so we could give them directions, so that was nice.
I don't know what I'm going to do. I've been trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life ever since I got here, and I still can't decide what to do. I won't lie - I love living here. And if I could find a nice cushy job, I would consider staying. But finding a job is hard enough for a French person, let alone an American. And I'm not so sure I could deal with this French bureaucracy shit again... I've noticed that, in general, I'm happy here, but there are so many daily annoyances - rude people on the metro who never smile, strikes, expensive everything, five flights of stairs, etc. - that I keep telling myself, I can't live here. Well, I mean, longer than I'm going to for now. But then something will happen - a nice bus ride, a pleasant interaction with someone on the street, cute Christmas markets - and I think I never want to leave. But I don't have a solid group of friends here, not to mention the lack of family... So I think what I'm going to do is just scrap everything and spend the rest of the time here as if I'm not coming back. I'm going to stop thinking about it so much and just live. Sound like a plan?
I should start cleaning and grab some dinner. See you on the other side.... of the Atlantic. HA! Ha.... ha. A plus tard, crocodiles.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Enfin
I still have one more week of classes and exams before I can officially declare myself on winter break, when I'll be on my way back home to sweet sunny California, where the people are nice and the coffee comes in pint-sized cups, but I checked out a while ago. I don't know what it is, but I just can't bring myself to do work in my apartment, and since it's crappy outside, I don't want to leave, especially since I'd just have to wait in line outside for who knows how long to get into the library. So my time has been filled mostly with Grey's Anatomy instead of note reviewing, like it should be. But anyways...
Last night, after finally seeing Enchanted (so freaking adorable, by the way), we went out to Caveau de la Huchette to celebrate a friend's birthday. I'd never been there, but I knew it was a really famous place, and really instrumental (no pun intended) in the 1950s-60s Paris jazz scene. But last night there was a swing band, and even though I didn't dance, I had a really good time. It's not exactly the kind of place people my age go to meet other people, which is kind of liberating, actually. The time flew by, and at 1, I looked at my watch, then around the dancefloor and noticed there was a pretty big number of geriatrics out there doin' their stuff better than the young ones. Except that one guy with the hat... and maybe the sweating guy, who at one point sat on my lap and kissed me. Ok, so it was on the cheek, but it provided hours of laughter, nonetheless. It felt good to be out and social, and I found out my night bus goes right by there, which is very useful, although I think I might have been slightly less sketched out if I'd just walked the twenty minutes home. But I got home, trudged up the stairs, and pretty much collapsed in bed.
I've been thinking a lot about this semester, looking back on it and whatnot, which I guess can be expected since a)it's almost over, and b)it's the end of the year, so I'm thinking of ways I can... make my life better when I get back? First thing's first, I'm listening to more Ray LaMontagne. I'm going to find every song he's released and put it on my ipod. Really, if you haven't checked him out, please do. Nothing calms me down or makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside like his CD. Alright, back on track... this semester... It's been good, I guess. I kind of feel like I fell back into the exact slump I was trying to avoid this time. The reason I came back, really, was to redo the year and do it right. But so far I feel like I'm failing miserably. I could go on and on about why, but they'd just all be excuses, and like I was telling my brother, no matter what you ask me or suggest I do, I'll just find an excuse to brush off my own responsibility. So I think that might be my resolution this year, to not make any more excuses. I think if I did, my life would be a lot easier, probably happier, who knows. All I know is that I feel like I'm living in Paris without actually LIVING in Paris, which, I know, doesn't make a whole lot of sense. But the other grad students get it - we have so much work to do, and with all the strikes and other bullshit, we spend so much time trying to get from point A to point B that we never have time to sit for a minute and appreciate it, or even really participate in it. This weekend is an exception to the rule, probably because I just stopped giving a shit about work, knowing that I can get the grades I got on other exams doing relatively minimal studying, which isn't tooting my own horn, but more a critique of my classes. I'm getting off track, but I do want to say this so people don't think I'm totally wasting my time - I am learning a hell of a lot here, I am, it just doesn't feel like I am all the time, it doesn't feel like it's in any way formal. But I'm learning. Trust me, I am.
But back to this weekend's activities. We went to Printemps yesterday to see... wait for it... an igloo on the roof of the building. Yes. An igloo. Not a real one, per se, but definitely a good interpretation. I also did a little bit of holiday shopping, and bought myself a totally useless item that is my first kitchen tool. MY first kitchen tool, all to myself, and it's a whisk made to look like a squid, with eyes and all. I love it. When I get my own place and get to furnish it, I'm going to have to be careful, because I seriously could have spent my college tuition on kitchenwares alone.
I was supposed to interview someone on what it is to be French last night, but I got a migraine and couldn't do it. I could, however, go to the movie and the club, but that was only after I rested and ate and took advil. The person I'm supposed to interview told me I might be able to hang out with her and her friends (if the timing works out) on Sunday, and I could do the interview there, which is pretty cool, considering they're all Jewish. She also told me about a Channukah party tonight in the 3rd that I might go to, but it's 15 euros, and I just went out last night, and tomorrow is pub quiz, so I think I may want to conserve my funds a little bit.
I'm going to try to get some reading done. I can't wait to get home and see everyone, and watch movies, and read, and not have to do work. Well, I do have to write a paper and do some research, but it'll work out. There will be sun and almost-guilt-free Starbucks and In-n-Out and friends and family and a one-story house instead of five flights of stairs. It will be awesome.
Last night, after finally seeing Enchanted (so freaking adorable, by the way), we went out to Caveau de la Huchette to celebrate a friend's birthday. I'd never been there, but I knew it was a really famous place, and really instrumental (no pun intended) in the 1950s-60s Paris jazz scene. But last night there was a swing band, and even though I didn't dance, I had a really good time. It's not exactly the kind of place people my age go to meet other people, which is kind of liberating, actually. The time flew by, and at 1, I looked at my watch, then around the dancefloor and noticed there was a pretty big number of geriatrics out there doin' their stuff better than the young ones. Except that one guy with the hat... and maybe the sweating guy, who at one point sat on my lap and kissed me. Ok, so it was on the cheek, but it provided hours of laughter, nonetheless. It felt good to be out and social, and I found out my night bus goes right by there, which is very useful, although I think I might have been slightly less sketched out if I'd just walked the twenty minutes home. But I got home, trudged up the stairs, and pretty much collapsed in bed.
I've been thinking a lot about this semester, looking back on it and whatnot, which I guess can be expected since a)it's almost over, and b)it's the end of the year, so I'm thinking of ways I can... make my life better when I get back? First thing's first, I'm listening to more Ray LaMontagne. I'm going to find every song he's released and put it on my ipod. Really, if you haven't checked him out, please do. Nothing calms me down or makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside like his CD. Alright, back on track... this semester... It's been good, I guess. I kind of feel like I fell back into the exact slump I was trying to avoid this time. The reason I came back, really, was to redo the year and do it right. But so far I feel like I'm failing miserably. I could go on and on about why, but they'd just all be excuses, and like I was telling my brother, no matter what you ask me or suggest I do, I'll just find an excuse to brush off my own responsibility. So I think that might be my resolution this year, to not make any more excuses. I think if I did, my life would be a lot easier, probably happier, who knows. All I know is that I feel like I'm living in Paris without actually LIVING in Paris, which, I know, doesn't make a whole lot of sense. But the other grad students get it - we have so much work to do, and with all the strikes and other bullshit, we spend so much time trying to get from point A to point B that we never have time to sit for a minute and appreciate it, or even really participate in it. This weekend is an exception to the rule, probably because I just stopped giving a shit about work, knowing that I can get the grades I got on other exams doing relatively minimal studying, which isn't tooting my own horn, but more a critique of my classes. I'm getting off track, but I do want to say this so people don't think I'm totally wasting my time - I am learning a hell of a lot here, I am, it just doesn't feel like I am all the time, it doesn't feel like it's in any way formal. But I'm learning. Trust me, I am.
But back to this weekend's activities. We went to Printemps yesterday to see... wait for it... an igloo on the roof of the building. Yes. An igloo. Not a real one, per se, but definitely a good interpretation. I also did a little bit of holiday shopping, and bought myself a totally useless item that is my first kitchen tool. MY first kitchen tool, all to myself, and it's a whisk made to look like a squid, with eyes and all. I love it. When I get my own place and get to furnish it, I'm going to have to be careful, because I seriously could have spent my college tuition on kitchenwares alone.
I was supposed to interview someone on what it is to be French last night, but I got a migraine and couldn't do it. I could, however, go to the movie and the club, but that was only after I rested and ate and took advil. The person I'm supposed to interview told me I might be able to hang out with her and her friends (if the timing works out) on Sunday, and I could do the interview there, which is pretty cool, considering they're all Jewish. She also told me about a Channukah party tonight in the 3rd that I might go to, but it's 15 euros, and I just went out last night, and tomorrow is pub quiz, so I think I may want to conserve my funds a little bit.
I'm going to try to get some reading done. I can't wait to get home and see everyone, and watch movies, and read, and not have to do work. Well, I do have to write a paper and do some research, but it'll work out. There will be sun and almost-guilt-free Starbucks and In-n-Out and friends and family and a one-story house instead of five flights of stairs. It will be awesome.
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